Monday, February 27, 2012

Love Languages #4: Let's Get Physical

We've talked about true words of affirmation, spending quality time together, and how it's the thought that counts when giving gifts. Today, it's my turn to talk about Physical Touch as a love language.

These badges are so fitting for us!

Right, hands up if the first thing you thought of when expressing your love physically was sex? Now, don't get me wrong, sex can be a whole lot of fun and is definitely the most intimate part of marriage, but there are other aspects to touchy-feely love.

To quote:
Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.
 Physical Touch is one of my top 2 love languages, scoring virtually equal with Words Of Affirmation. I really value the little moments when my husband holds my hand or just touches my back when walking past. And I reeeeeeallyyyyyy love back massages. Apart from the fact that my neck and shoulders are frequently sore due to lugging kids around all day + breastfeeding + growing too fast for my muscles to properly develop way back when, I love the intimacy of feeling his hands on me and it makes me feel so cared for. But I hate having to ask for them all the time and when I get  a spontaneous one, it makes my day! This simple act of Physical Touch makes me feel loved and cared for; that he is taking the time and effort to love me.

I also frequently annoy my husband by wanting to spontaneously make out whilst in the middle of cooking dinner, or grabbing a cuddle when passing by in the hall. Always at inconvenient times, never intentionally. I just need to express my love at that moment! Or I just need a quick cuddle to make me feel a bit better. When I get a brush-off or a sigh, it hurts. It makes me feel rejected and unimportant in a way that not much else can. Drama queen? Maybe, but it's important for me to recognise this and deal with it.

I've had to learn to not take it so personally, and that when I'm sick and just want a cuddle and my husband is instead cooking dinner and dealing with the kids and the house, he's expressing his love for me in the way he thinks best - taking care of all that so I don't have to. I've also learnt to sometimes just tell him I need a cuddle and to not expect him to read my mind. But then he'd better give me that hug! (and lucky for him he does)

The common thread that comes through this is that we Physical Touch-ers like spontaneous acts of love. Sure we will ask for it sometimes, but the way to really make us feel loved is to do it of your own free will and without being asked. This tells us that you love us and care for us as you are willing to go out of your way and take some time and effort to do this.

PS - Having said all this, if you're not my husband or a very close family member or friend, please do not just assume I want you to hug me, hold my hand or give me a back massage! I still do deeply value personal space!

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